On the Subject of Karma, Choice & Mental Illness

I don’t often speak on spiritual subjects on here very often although my Instagram stories are full of my kind of spiritual, as well as much psychology & natural health. I don’t so much generate content over there as much as I curate & compile quite well…..but these 2 Instagram reels by Kabbalist David Gyiyam inspired me to want to expand on his excellent points.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4maolmrhfT/?igsh=aWZ6bmI0OWQzczBu

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C35IX_6rpMR/?igsh=bmhlZW1xenRqb2tj

As someone whose whole adult life has centred around seemingly meaningless suffering I can see a couple of left field spiritual angles to expand on what David is saying here which I think may be helpful to others who are living through similarly apparently pointless suffering.

When someone’s life of deep suffering is seen by others less afflicted the perceiver is being offered the opportunity to experience & develop empathy & compassion for the sufferer & for suffering in general & also they will likely feel appreciation for the comparative absence of such a level of pain in their own lives. Thus our heavy, imo self chosen, karmic loads are of innate service & benefit to others by the provision of such contrast.

Secondly, and this is quite left field; the relational harm commonly done to others by brain/mind/nervous system disordered people often results in, either sooner or later, an accelerated path to self knowledge, self empowerment & therefore ultimately greater self actualisation in the other person. Arguably far more concretely than without that damage rather like a bone break that repairs itself even stronger.

I realise this is an incredibly contentious & controversial stance. Also people with these kinds of conditions can be completely unaware of the trauma they cause to others or if aware are unable to control the impulses involved, & suffer greatly at that lack. This control requires great work & can only happen after enough awareness has arisen…… this is not straightforward when there is brain/nervous system damage.

This makes me conclude that opting to be a ‘baddie” can be a powerful contribution to the drama necessary to spur evolution in others, this fact may considerably offset future karma. Think Soul Contracts. Further, a life spent dealing with a very heavy negative burden, if fought well, ultimately will result in an accelerated burning off of karma.

It’s a huge risk taking on a strenuous karmic burden of this nature, I do not believe all lives are this full on, you are putting yourself in jeopardy of creating more karma if you do not turn inwards & heal yourself. As soon as we are fully conscious that we are causing harm to others & once we isolate the impulses/mechanisms involved & are actually able to chose otherwise, we are absolutely obligated to do so, so as not to generate more karma. 

It is absolutely your duty to grow in insight into the machinations of your illness despite the incontrovertible fact that insight is hard to build because necessary brain structures are lacking & impaired.

Redirecting yourself intentionally towards hope will start to recreate these structures…… yes, belief is absolutely necessary & belief is cultivated one positive thought at a time & by consistently refuting the inner lies that insist everything is broken, as humanly & compassionately as possible. ✊🏻🙌💗

MDMA for ADHD

 https://www.additudemag.com/psychedelic-therapy-mdma-psilocybin/?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=treatment_march_2024&utm_content=030724&goal=0_d9446392d6-138d3ad97a-300024141

Oh that’s timely, an in depth examination of how the psychedelic revolution in psychiatric medicine might come to benefit those with ADHD. As many as 50% of pwADHD also suffer from a Personality Disorder, 50% have an Anxiety Disorder & between 10-22% have co-morbid Bipolar Disorder, the developmental trauma burden in those with ADHD is likely to be pretty substantial.

A word to the wise though: you literally only get 4 chances per year to use MDMA without badly screwing up your Dopamine system longer term & that’s assuming that your MDMA is pure, when less that half of the street drug contains any actual MDMA at all. MDMA only produces these powerful trauma remissions, 75% in studies experienced full long lasting remission, in conjunction with 8 hour therapy sessions of a particular kind. 

Methylene Blue

So the subject of this substance popped up in one of my natural health e-newsletters specifically being touted for its rather powerful yet harmless electron donating, mitochondria enlivening all round anti bac & general panacea. Realising I’d heard it mentioned recently on mental health chat boards I did some reading about it in respect to that aspect & I was not disappointed.

Here is the first paragraph from - but the whole article is well well worth the visit 👇👇👇

https://blubrain.co.uk/methylene-blue-brain-health-effects/

As you delve deeper into the world of brain health, you may have come across a fascinating compound called methylene blue.

This versatile dye has a history that dates back over a century, with applications ranging from treating malaria to enhancing cognitive function.

In recent years, researchers have been exploring its potential effects on neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s and mood disorders such as depression and anxiety.

With this growing body of evidence, it’s time for you to take a closer look at how methylene blue might serve others by supporting brain health and improving quality of life.

In this article, we’ll delve into the science behind methylene blue’s neuroprotectiveproperties and its ability to enhance cognitive function.

We’ll also discuss its potential applications in addressing Alzheimer’s disease and mood disorders while touching on safety considerations and side effects.

As we explore ongoing research efforts and clinical trials in this field, you’ll understand how this fascinating compound could play a pivotal role in promoting brain health for those who need it most.

So sit back, relax, and prepare to immerse yourself in the world of methylene blue – your knowledge could be invaluable in helping others achieve optimal mental well-being!

So obviously as a lover of experimenting, I’m all in! Despite being essentially a pharmaceutical compound it’s old enough, simple enough & renown enough for me to consider working with for a while. Also, I really liked the balance of taking Saffron with its natural orange red pigment along side Methylene Blue with its blue jeans dye eccentricity. So we will see. It’s definitely use with caution, in tiny doses & if possible with the oversight of a naturopath or similar but here’s some links to some more serious studies.

I was particularly interested in the dementia & Alzheimer reversal research as many of my cognitive symptoms from damage from Bipolar episodes, 3 decades of untreated episodes is not funny & im keen to continue getting more functional brain back. Much I do contributes to this mission but I’m always keen to find more.

Major reasons to avoid MB would be SSRI use, renal or cardiac insufficiency- of course you must do your own homework if you have any serious health issues.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31144270/

https://psychnews.psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.pn.2016.pp8a5

https://primehealthdenver.com/methylene-blue/#:~:text=Recent%20studies%20suggest%20that%20methylene,brain%2Dboosting%2C%20nootropic%20supplement.

Bilateral Stimulation Music Therapy

Similarly the same website has a short article describing Bilateral stimulation music therapy which as I just said is kind of an aural, passive form of EMDR I’ve been using it recently. Although it’s related to Isochronic Tones which I’ve been using a lot for a couple of years now, I still use wake up tones most days, also peak tones, that’s Gamma mostly or high Alpha to help concentrate on completing tasks, it is a different angle though.

I see Bilateral Stimulation audio as diminishing nervous system dysfunction exactly like EMDR does (EMDR is most effective targeted by a trauma informed therapist but diy micro EMDR for daily triggers & general dysphoria is absolutely valid) whereas I’ve not found the same remedial long term affects with Isochronic tones, though they remain invaluable for coping with my day to day Audhd challenges which are more deeply hardwired than my trauma based nervous system issues.

https://www.ementalhealth.ca/Waterloo-Regional-Municipality/Bilateral-Music-for-Anxiety-Stress-and-Trauma/index.php?m=article&ID=84502

Here’s a screen grab.

Anyway, I’m having powerful results with Bilateral Stim music atm so wanted to share.

Neat Poly Vagal Graphic

 Poly Vagal theory is so damn helpful - I’ve had great success with my over all nervous system integrity with some really simple exercises, also the fascia release from Human Garage that I posted - I did it as proscribed a couple of times, def felt benefits then adapted it to a simplified version I can do daily or when I’m anxious - fabulous stuff 

Chiropractic for Nervous System Repair

This is so obvious an approach to throw at mental illness/nervous system dysfunction at the precise same time as being rather left field & unlikely.

And I am well up for it. I love my chiropractor, I don’t need to see him very often but he performs real miracles as far as my hips & shoulders are concerned & just from the perspective of not being in physical pain constantly mental health is improved but apparently there is more.

Here is Russell on his Awakening with Russell YouTube channel talking to his own Chiropractor Dr Jerome Poupel as well as Phd neurophysiologist (I want that qualification 😍 but 7 yrs study 😔) Dr Heidi Haavik.

I encourage you to bear with it & watch the whole thing as Jerome gets a bit woo woo in his description early on & I thought that may put some people off, which is a shame because as Heidi then explains it is not woo woo at all. 🙌

The second video is a really concise 3 min explanation of the reasons why this works 🩷

Deep focus intense adhd/mood relief plus EMDR plus Brainspotting Tech plus….

I stumbled upon a Brainspotting technique last night, simply put it’s near far eye movements, so you just take a pen hold say 1ft away in front of you, focus on that then into the distance then back, as a pattern, gently, unhurried, curious to see/feel for any changes in body/mind.

THEN I realised that one could easily combine the usual EMDR: left right eye movement or body/chest tap with either alternating or simultaneous up down eye movements popularly used in sports therapy for immediately increasing Dopamine **as well** as this ‘near far’ idea from brainspotting.

The main advantage to my idea of the combination of these 3 done in a kind of bespoke way, as you feel to, would be reduced muscle tiredness & stress from repetition & I can really see how using all 3 in sequence, again, as you feel it, would create a powerful mood improving tool & longer term improvement in brain health. These 3 techniques are all based on quite simple neuroscience.

Good luck 🩷

I’ve also posted one of my fav isochronic tones here, it is designed to be firmly mood regulatory as well - I often combined these on headphones with EMDR while managing overreactions to triggers in the early days of healing my BPD. I know it feels endless, that’s the lie, time perception is greatly slowed & exaggerated. It is not in fact endless but the segregated, clouded mind in mood dysphoria often achieves complete amnesia of the fact that positive mind states exist & are our natural unencumbered state. 

7 Ways to Heal Trauma

These guys - Dr Rangan Chatterjee talking to the amazing Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk of The Body Keeps the Score legendary fame.

This is a long chat/discussion at 1.5 hrs but I ended up enjoying it so much I felt to share it. 

I particularly love Bessel casually exposing the corporate corruption & biases that cannot help but occur in the fields of science & research precisely because Money is necessary to pursue anything with potential & therefore Money gets to chose what moves. This is something I’ve been aware of for a very long time & seems absolutely obvious & yet far too many on the political left are still sadly completely oblivious & unwilling to explore the unobscured facts of.

I picked up the fact this week that 70% of research is privately funded & overwhelmingly brings back a result favourable to its financial sponsor - just start there if you want to explore that subject, it’s fascinating & terrifying in equal measure & will put you off many common prescription drugs for life.

EMDR is as Simple & as Natural as walking & DIY works wonders for day to day triggers

Here is a good thorough overview about EMDR, it’s a recent article on ADDitudemag.com.

https://www.additudemag.com/emdr-therapy-eye-movement-desensitization-trauma-adhd/?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=treatment_july_2023&utm_content=072723&goal=0_d9446392d6-d55c617ff8-300024141

I want to emphasise what I’ve titled above. EMDR is undoubtedly the most powerful nervous system tech of modern times. It is also as logical, natural & beneficial, more so even than walking, which as I’ve mentioned is soft EMDR in & of itself. 

I extremely disgruntled with articles that seem to seek to take this simple & yet proven therapy out of the hands of those who need it most, the dx & undx mentally ill, the traumatised, drug addicts, alcoholics, addicts of all kinds. 

It goes without saying that doing EMDR regularly with a trained therapist is going to be plenty more powerful that diy, but at 100£ per hour that is completely out of reach for, I would say the absolute majority of the people with nervous system dysfunction who need it.

EMDR is going to improve the lives of everyone who gets to do it with or without professional support, & professional support is massively beneficial in its own right for multiple reasons. 

In UK you need a 3/4yr professional psychotherapy qualification to be able to add on EMDR which I think is what is driving the high prices being charged here. I think that if you charge 100£ an hour for EMDR you should take on a number of free clients from the groups I mentioned above ie those that need it most, those that can’t house themselves, support themselves or free themselves from harmful influences - these are the true traumatised, for no fault if their own in the first instance probably without exception.

For the many of us that can’t get it free or affordably there is a link in my sidebar to a simple DIY explainer although I myself just do it when I’m stressed, triggered or having mental weirdness of any kind to great affect. I do it with my eyes closed anywhere bar driving & I always endeavour to engage with any direct body sensations as i go, which is a healing act in itself when achieved without too much mental twisting or judgement.

Dr Pete Levine - Beyond Theory Podcast S2 episodes 13 & 14

I read Dr Levine’s book Healing Trauma in the autumn last year. It’s a very small concise book with simple exercises at the back - I recommend having it to anyone with any long standing mental/nervous system dysfunction inc problems with addiction etc. It simply sets out the basic premise of Somatic Therapy for healing trauma. 

Peter is a very early pioneer of body first trauma therapy & remains an exceptional resource for healing mental health issues of all types.

I love listening to Dr Levine and could listen all day but I know not everyone wants or needs all the nuts & bolts & just wants to get in the car & go so I will be finding some short, more potent videos to post here ASAP but these are wonderful in their own right. The 2 podcasts make an hour so maybe listen whilst driving or something & just let it wash over you as a subject. 🩷🤗✊

Co-Morbidity is the Rule in Mental Health

That’s the post as they say.

Co-morbidity is the rule in mental health, not the exception mainly because it is all just bunches of symptoms grouped in the most coherent & commonly occurring fashion psychologists & psychiatrists could come up with for simplicity of categorisation. And importantly, one dysfunctional often leads to a second by dint of the trauma of living unsupported with the first.

My first awareness that someone could have both ADHD at the same time as Bipolar only occurred a couple of years back. I had disregarding ADHD completely at Bipolar dx in 2016 due to the cross over similarities. Then when the movement of Bipolar episodes stopped for long enough to see the damn hall mark inattentive symptom stand alone, I was astonished to find them to have been traumatically concurrent throughout my life until my Bipolar episodes were managed by lifestyle, nutritional & natural measures in the last few years.

Similarly, the plus BPD dx in 2019 accounted for symptoms I had also assumed to be part of Bipolar but weren’t & became resolvable mainly by my capacity to identify them, having the map as I always say.

And now the Sensory Processing Disorder type of Autism self dx, mopping up left over symptoms perfectly, like the correct jigsaw piece it is, whilst simultaneously being the uncomfortable, over sensitive core nervous system construction that caused all the other dysfunctions in its wake.

How to Move a Depression - Managing Low Mood

That’s a lovely optimistic title right there & as a person with well over 2 decades of experience in ‘not’ being able to shift a depression I’m going to share what ultimately did work for me eventually with my long undx Bipolar 1 plus concurrent BPD dysphoric fug. 

There are some basic principles that are a bottom line that everyone with a tendency to low mood should know off by heart:

Walk, stretch, move as much as you are able. Depression at its core is your Nervous System in freeze mode due to unresolved past stress/trauma or present time conflict. Alternatively, I believe a short depression can simply be a natural reset button for a persons life, with chilling out & looking inwards, journaling, getting talk therapy, developing self regard/care, all important adjuncts, even so movement is vital.

Self massage, scalp, shoulders & neck, get a massage gun & work on anywhere that’s stiff or sore, if you can afford it get massages from someone else.

Drink water - Dehydration is surprisingly common as well as surprisingly depressing. 

Be really careful with stimulants & sugar; both have an exaggerated downer effect after the upper

Alcohol is the most dangerous thing for low mood & yet so commonly folk lean on it only to make themselves feel worse, exaggerate & prolong a mood issue unnecessarily.

For myself I find that a long sustaining protein & healthy fat preferential diet is anti-depressant whilst high carbs lowers my mood like nothing else but I am a protein type - so it’s time to find out your macronutrient type. Go here.

High EPA Fish Oil, high dose B vits & Magnesium supplements if your normal diet is a bit nutrient weak. Some depressions can be shifted by this alone plus walking daily.

Getting daylight hitting your eyes before midday everyday is vital in any depression, stop telling your body to hibernate because it will & you will be 6 months in before you realise. Stupefied, groggy depression is no joke, you just can’t be bothered to kill yourself so there’s that advantage over more energised forms but no, it’s a pointless waste of your life & it can be prevented.

Ok that was my ‘everyone everywhere should know this’ list.

So this is my extra-ordinary list for the extraordinary depressions or recurrent low mood/depressive tendencies of Bipolar, BPD, NPD & as well as other disorders.

So all the above apply to this group too obviously.

The Special Forces List

Mindfulness - when dealing with a Personality Disorder or any severe mental health condition your very first job is simply self observation; of thoughts, of words, of deeds, of your inner responses to all of those, as well as external events & as far as possible to what’s going on under your skin in your real human body self. Be suspicious, be kind but curious of the motives underpinning your wants, needs, desires & moods. Basically be interested in yourself, your machinations without too much, if any judgement.

It’s vital to learn to notice when you are dissociating & then how to make yourself &/or others around you as safe as possible. It is not always obvious that you have dissociated, a hallmark of some types of dissociation is extreme mood even personality shifts. Sussing it out is simply a skill you build with use. Start with 10 mins a day, ultimately you will want to make it your baseline state. One of the big gifts of mental illness is the degree of self mastery required to overcome our unconscious wounds is so massive that we end up far more self aware than others who have not had to travel so far to occupy themselves.

I’m open to the idea that Cluster B PDs are essentially Dissociative Disorders with a range of dysfunctional ‘alters’ stepping up to further unhelpfully ffff up your life - mindfulness gives you the space to watch this process from the pure nonjudgmental consciousness aspect of yourself & from here you develop self protective stoicism in the face of these destructive inner forces.

Deep consolation in nature/relating to animals - this is vital for severe mental illness. Without this I wouldn’t be here. I really like the concept that being in nature is being in your own true nature on an unconscious or semi-conscious level. It is an innately healing teacher, it is nourishing in a deep gestational way. I often meditate in nature on how for the entire history of life on Earth & still today for the vastest majority of creatures, death primarily occurs with your face in the earth, going home. Wtv your spiritual belief or not, earth is what made you out of stardust & you are always on your way back.

Absolute stoicism - this is an indispensable quality to develop. When I was missed/wrong dx for my Bipolar 1 in 2008, it was absolutely my only option. I had no choice bar death but to simply accept that I was subjected to seemingly endless mental, emotional & nervous system pain & distortion for reasons that I could not see or know, seemingly meaninglessly, and essentially I was to take it on the chin. 

More movement: normal levels of movement work for normal levels of low mood but with extraordinary mental/emotional/nervous system aberration the more low cortisol exercise/movement modalities you can manage the better. The main caveat being not high stress stuff, not high cortisol as so much gym based exercise programs ultimately are, these have a place it’s just not in day to day depression management. You are learning to self sooth, to move & stretch your body despite feeling miserable & then watch your stoicism grow & your mood shift. (some higher stress exercise is acceptable, beneficial actually but I’m driving home a particular point) - your nervous system has habituated crisis, low cortisol exercise rebuilds it’s integrity.

Support is vital, though I failed to get any for the most part & im still here so there is that 🤷‍♀️ I developed a kind of deep stoicism in the face of permanent overwhelming adversity coming from my own wrecked nervous system, a cPTSD/PTSD overlay, cognitive impairment due to rolling Bipolar episodes & the permanent dysphoric core of undx BPD. 

I’m going to mention ADHD plus Autism briefly here - it gets ridiculous, all of my layers, but in some ways my autism made me a more innately honest pwBPD, which is the route out for all PDs & my ADHD drove my desire to get well as well as my massive self study, passion centered on amassing knowledge of natural health specifically for mental health. 

If you can get proper support please do take it, it will make healing so much faster. 

A note - The dysphoric core of the Personality Disorders

The semi-permanent, uneasy fug that permeates the feeling sense, the sense of self of a person with a currently active personality disorder requires additional approaches. Of course all of the above are helpful, but there is more. All PDs are deep early trauma created splits in the body mind self, sapping the host of vitality as well as driving the need for further pain causing drama in their lives, mainly as attempts at obfuscation & distraction, both from the self as well as others. Drama as disguise of trauma in fact is a great descriptor.

But above all, being free of the dysphoric core myself now, I feel that it is the identification of it then your dis-identification with it that and hastens its demise. Simple as that. Once you decide that being in an off mood/state most of the time is unacceptable, an untenable way of life, this is when you dis-identify from both the feeling state & the often dysfunctional mental states that accompany it. Mindfulness is your key, stoicism is the lock, open the prison door & fly free. 

Special therapy recommends go to; EMDR, diy self style or with a therapist, the extremely simple Somatic Healing concepts of Dr Peter Levine, BrainSpotting is another modern eye mvt related modality to explore, IFS Internal Family Systems, also see ACT, Acceptance & Commitment Therapy at the same link there, Poly-Vagal exercises, see side bar link

There is more, there is always so much more to explore when you need to heal something, when you want to heal something is more precisely accurate. I remember friends with depression saying “nothing works” & they would always be saying that before they had even given one thing a decent shot.

Perception of time slows down excruciatingly in real depression, making us even more irritated & impatient to be well as soon as possible as well as casting the convincing illusion that the depressive state is endless. Bodily metabolism slows down too as if to hibernate, making effort feel impossible, creating an unbearable cross purpose of drives. Building a day to day routine that deconstructs that equation is the path out - then adding a therapeutic modality that works for you, that builds you a new nervous system. 

Taking Up Space - Why So Selfie

Taken from a preponderance of pondering upon my Instagram.

I was just pondering why I feel the desire to post so many selfies! And I think it’s ok, I think it’s the result of several factors including having been very ill for a very very long time & now starting to really feel better with the new information (#Audhd) especially normalising so many of my daily difficulties.

Then there is, as per the 2020 selfie post, a huge improvement in my skin & glow & skill with make-up, very much with aesthetic gains coming from #faceyoga like #Beautyshamans & #daniellecollins - so that’s something I’m proud of, that I put effort into that contributes to my feeling good in myself.

Then there is the sense of identity deficit from #BPD which while I feel is in remission still perhaps casts a shadow, understandably. And then finally, that lonesome, defuse, evasive #12housesun amplified by being in #Pisces with #Piscesrising lending even less substance to my sense of self & of being visible, “am I invisible?” Is the vibe. Am I a ghost is the vibe.

I spent a lot of time very mentally unwell on my own in this life, also a lot of time contemplating the spiritual realm of which I feel I have a exceptionally good feel for but I know staying fully embodied is healing & progressive of my nervous system trauma burden & being dissociative is not - both significantly lessening with all the wide range of nervous system tech I’m employing.

I’m so glad that being extra wordy is an Aspie/ASD1 trait 😅😂 makes sense of the urge to reach for a more elaborate descriptor all the time. 🤔😊🥰

Oh I get it - it about being willing to take up space in the world. That’s so lovely! 🥰 

I am robustly not giving a ffff & putting my noggin or whatever I see fit out there anyway, whether you want it or not. 🧑🏻‍🎤🥋 because there is space for me out there, there’s not a limit to the space nor any real valid competition about merit or worthiness.

At my worst with #anorexia I had my bed in the lounge & it was a foot too short, I am 5’5 the bed was about 4’5 & I dropped to under 7 stone several times in that decade - mad people aren’t allowed to take up space are they! I’m feeling that that was the undercurrent of #trauma #cPTSD I was stuck in. 

And then 2010-2020 I was just disappeared, socially, personally not available, bar my long 9 month bipolar high - like a ‘can you see me now’ outburst right in the middle - but mostly suffering much undx psychosis & #anxiety with seemingly no end in sight although it did end.

And so this period over-selfieing on Instagram, without much response bar a couple of friends & family is healing for me, & challenging of course because #ADHD has #RSD as a difficult component & #BPD is as sensitive to being ignored as it’s possible to be…. And I’m fine 👊🤌💜 getting no likes, occasionally it’s a bit meh but it’s definitely within the bandwidth of fine on my emotional landscape - I mean what are likes anyway - how superficial is needing that? Really? Another persons opinion of you is more valid to you than how you feel about yourself - no way, I absolutely think not. The only person I want to impress is me.

I am reproducing this over from my Instagram where it unfolded to my blog - this place where I have links to every useful natural method & tech & substance that has helped me unravel my lifelong nervous system distress. 

#audhd #bipolar1 #bipolarrecovery #bpdrecovery

Medicinal Mushrooms for Nervous System & Brain Repair

 I’m not going to do a full on academic overview, there’s many many out there, I will just link in some relevant bits. But it’s a personal blog & I wanted to say I’ve been back on some high strength Medicinal Mushroom powders after several years & I’m really really enjoying it.

I’ve been on nervous system & brain repair Lions Mane & anti cancer, anti inflammation Chaga for a few months now & recently added cellular energy boosting & anti-aging Cordyceps to great effect. 

This is a nice article on the best medicinal mushrooms for brain - https://mushroominsider.com/medicinal-mushrooms-for-brain/ & you will see I have personally swapped out Reishi, the Queen of Relaxation for Chaga, the King of Energy at the moment & here’s a nice blog piece arguing for the benefit of a balance of opposites by taking both https://tamimteas.com/blogs/mushroom-tea/can-i-take-chaga-and-reishi-together.

Cordyceps is also a high energy mushroom with purportedly great benefits post menopause. This is a lovely blog piece with all the details of the top 3  https://blog.curativemushrooms.com/top-3-medicinal-mushrooms-to-improve-brain-function

Lastly here is Dr Axe on Chaga - https://draxe.com/nutrition/chaga-mushroom/. Reading through my own links now I’m going to include Reishi as a 4th if I possibly can because increasing your own bodies capacity to relax is ultimately the biggest healer of them all. 🙌

The Human Garage - Anti Stress - Anti-Gravity Full Spinal decompression Fascial Manoeuvre

 

Oh I love the effects of this exercise - I’m conked out needing a nap it’s made me sooooo relaxed! That’s a great thing, most of us have no idea how to unwind & this is literally that; unwinding at a deep level. 👌👍 Additionally recommended as hormone balancing due to hormone imbalance being a side effect of nervous system imbalance/held trauma.

On Colour

 Again transposed from Instagram because it’s really about mental health, I’ve painted a rather exotic picture about what was really an incredibly desperate & desolate period of my life with transient Anorexia - from about 1998/9 until 2008/9 due to the impossibility of being well with pretty constant undx bipolar episodes & now what I know was reactive BPD basically permanently - I had this knowledge, this knowing that I was being incredibly resilient but also was very disassociative a lot of the time & only partly in reality, which I wasn’t wholly aware of.

 My Bipolar episodes, both poles of which leave brain damage, had been relentless & extreme by this time. I would have 9 month untreated depressions where I could barely leave the house & short manic bursts which I suppressed with vast amounts of that popular Central Nervous System depressant, Alcohol. There was less & less periods of ‘normal’ functioning in between & I think I developed an eating disorder out of absolute disgust & disillusionment at my fate as my life wasted away despite quite obviously being somewhat intelligent, creative & kind. Also the financial struggle of this period was relentless.

Again being missed dx every time I visited a GP which was every other year as I remember it, not every year as it was completely demoralising being told there was nothing wrong with me by complete idiots. I finally got a sick note towards the end of this time around 2008 which actually said Anorexia, I had finally manifested something they would give me some sickness benefits for but no no no mental health diagnoses whatsoever until 2016. The extra money enabled me to eat properly tbh.

Here’s the piece from Instagram 

I get an enormous amount of pleasure playing with colour about my person - I always have - I will never forget an incident one summer, I think 2004 - so i was 37 - I was struggling with eating disorder stuff, I basically just drank real coffee, drank lots of water & smoked a lot of roll-ups for a few yrs there - & lived on sunshine, sunbathed naked at home & if I could get to the beach I’d do it there.

Anyway, I was very unwell, nervous system/mentally & id gone to the beach on my own knowing it’d be quiet, put on a bikini & 2 brightly coloured pieces of fabric that I wore all the time that summer - people said I used to dressed as if I was at a festival all the time, that’s fairly accurate - anyway I was floating down the beach completely deranged but so colourful like a burst busted dayglo painting & this elderly couple as I approached asked to take my photo because he said, I looked like the cover of a magazine 💪😘😂 

Sadly, that’s what you get for anorexia unfortunately- more positive attention instead of psychological support - anyway it was rather lovely, out in the actual heat of summer Uk despite the crazyheat of the madness in my head.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

So I read this famous work on PTSD & trauma in the spring as well as listening to it on Audible as this really helps me to concentrate if I can listen & read at the same time. It’s quite a hefty tome, & it’s not an easy read but I was struck by the remedies section toward the end which recommend several things especially & most notably Neurofeedback & EMDR as the best fastest options for moving through trauma. 

So I wanted to make sure people know that Isochronic tone music is basically very close to being a safe, soft Neurofeedback method without all the expensive equipment etc - it’s a brainwave entrainment tool that you have to consciously self assess how you are responding & adjust accordingly to use beneficially & theraputically.

Coincidentally, I had already instigated what I call diy micro self EMDR plus Isochronic Tones to good affect on a daily basis a year previously to reading Bessels book. I’m sure that working one-to-one with an EMDR trained therapist would be terrific & much much faster etc but when I last tried to get help for my daughter a) they said our mental health pictures were too difficult 🧐🥺 & b) they were charging stupid amounts of money per hour which seems scandalous to me for such a simple technique that is freely outin the public domain, simply requiring a basic supportive therapy backdrop for best outcomes. 

We are not alone

 Not in the least.

As many as (quick facts) 46% of us will meet the criteria for a diagnosable mental health condition at some point in our lives, so nearly half of us in the biggest picture overview of global mental health & yet out of those of us with longer lasting or lifelong Severe Mental Health diagnoses 88% say that discrimination against mental illness is widespread.

Us with the longer lasting possibly lifelong diagnoses account for 10.7% of the global population with a 11.9% female & 9.3% male split.

Approximately 10% population has ADHD, 2-3% has Autism.

Between 40-70% of Autists have ADHD & 20-50% of pwADHD have Autism.

Checking in more deeply with the Neurodiverse world of ADHD & Autism the discussion around including the severe mental illnesses cropped up & i admit I fall in the separatist category for the simple reason that one group is aiming to be rid of their symptoms as soon as possible & the other is wanting to find ways to live with & celebrate their traits rather than hide them. I saw the comment that lumping them all in together does both camps a disservice & im with that for the time being. I may be new to the ND conversation but I’m highly knowledgeable on severe mental health conditions & nobody wants to keep them, not ever.

In terms of overlap of the 2 camps I was disappointed that I could not find many statistics except 40% of Autists have severe enough anxiety to call it an additional disorder. I was left wondering if those stats are evasive due to the confusion of so many ND folk having been wrongly diagnosed in the first place only to eventually find that they had ADHD or Autism, both or with one of the others (I know Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Dyscalculia & Tourette’s also under the ND umbrella) 

I’ve just seen a discussion of OCD being ND but admitting that it’s a mental illness 🤷‍♀️ I still think my criteria is superior - if you want to get rid of it & it’s essentially rooted in healable trauma it’s mental illness & if you want to learn to live with it & expand on its gifts it’s ND.

I know, i know my own personal theory that intrauterine stress/trauma instigates genetic ND adaptation destroys the whole conversation 😂 so if that was absolutely proven to be correct then we are right back with a huge ND umbrella but with healing trauma a top aim for all, which is as it should be.

Beware pwBipolar who have swallowed the hyperbole that the High can be tamed into creativity imao this is dangerous nonsense for the simple fact that both extremes leave you with brain damage, the more extreme the episode the worse the brain damage & the longer time it takes to recover & talking from my own experience, it takes years!

The Anti-Inflammatory Necessity of Things

 Everyone knows that inflammation in the body is a thing the body kind of does when it’s hurt in various ways & everyone know that some things that you put into you body are more inflammatory & others more anti-inflammatory. In extreme inflammation you might need to take powerful anti-inflammatory drugs to stop or slow down the damage your own body is doing to itself seemingly mistakenly or accidentally although a Naturopath would likely tell you different.

Anyway I digress, my point is that almost all the things I advocate for on my blog & in the street when I’m talking you into my special interest natural health corner hahaha, they are all largely for the purpose of a general anti-inflammatory game plan for the body & a specific one for the nervous system & mind.

My favourite analogy is that for some people the damage of a highly inflammatory diet (think western style fast food/processed, high sugar/hydrogenated fat low nutrient dense diet) will go to their bones & joints first & they will suffer from pain & stiffness possibly developing into Arthritis or Rheumatism or wtv. Well, in my experience the same goes for the brain & nervous system if that is your genetic predisposition, to be extra sensitive in that body system then an inflammatory diet will affect you there with increased low mood, lethargy, anxiety, unhealthy anger, even reaching as far as paranoia, psychosis & severe depression.

The Mainstream medical field would do well, although less so financially 😉 to adopt this angle much more for mental health than it does, often adding in medication that is not conducive to an anti-inflammatory perspective whilst simultaneously reducing metabolic functioning. Not helpful in the long run. I think medication should mainly be used in the short term only, whilst other situational, interpersonal & biological things are factored in.

Have I been misdiagnosed at any point?

 Well the short answer to this is ‘no’ but because there’s so much conjecture on this topic in the Neurodivergent Community I’m going to unravel my own 40 year saga/story/experience a bit & explain why I think not. I fully get that misdiagnosis is really common for folk with ADHD & Autism & I even found a meme on Twitter expressing how similar to Bipolar plus BPD undiagnosed ADHD Autists can be but still I refute the allegation in my own case.

It almost goes without saying that I was repeatedly, extensively & you could almost describe it as determinedly the subject of completely missed diagnoses from the first time I every made it to a GP at 24 explaining that I was awake all night, night after night with intense unbrookable suicidal ideation & then so heavily asleep once there that a herd of trampolining wilderbeast would have failed to stir me for most of the next day. This was apparently not a concern as it was certainly due to my ‘not having a job’ according to most GPs despite the fact that often I had been putting in 60 plus hours a week into (usually somewhat improbable) self employment ideas that I had been having ‘sooooo many’ of just before the low mood set in….. 🙄🤷‍♀️ 

I want to take care here because I get resentful looking back at all the times GPs patronised my depressions as a young single mother as being negligible & exaggerated & probably hysterical in some way & well, if I wasn’t interested in SSRIs with their potential side affect of worsened suicidal ideation &/or violence towards others & thereby possible death to self or others then it could not be that serious now could it.

What they didn’t understand is that even then, pre-internet, I knew where the library was & was insistently informing myself. I also certainly mentioned the word Bipolar at 24 to the GP because I’d been saying it since 19 to my own friends having read about it. I wondered at my own tenacity & wilfulness as I read about Spike Milligan unable to leave the house, sedating himself to withstand ‘the absolute horrors’ being his phrase for a Bipolar 1 depression.

The problems with psychiatric medicine as an entire field built largely on conjecture & meds for Bipolar being so disabling long term led me to research entirely away from the mainstream thought bubble. It was 1991 & I had rejected most ‘normal’ mainstream media already as it seemed to affect me really negatively & still does, this made me more capable of dodging the profit friendly push to medicate that was becoming ubiquitous.

I’m really proud to have been MSM intolerant for 40 years, I was like a canary in the coalmine of the fully existent reality of soft brainwashing of the population by framing & omission, gaslighting & straight faced lies that is becoming widely recognised & understood right now.

I don’t need to prove to anyone that I’ve had classic Bipolar type 1 since around age 18, I know it for myself, symptomologically, I have detailed recollection of crashes from highs & depressions that were self propelled, ever getting longer as the years progressed, the hardest thing to remember is the highs because I was invariably, as time went on getting drunk/binge drinking to somewhat control that highly stressful, 99% unconscious, deeply irresponsible, immensely painful state leading inexorably to the crash & the brain damage & the abject confusion, anxiety & low mood that would follow.

A mid piece addendum :- I discovered the work of Dr Amen fairly recently & he introduced to me the idea that General Anaesthetic can cause brain injury in susceptible nervous systems. I had 2 miscarriages followed by questionably necessary D&C operations with General Anaesthetic at 18 & 19 & I had my first, what I now recognise as crash from high just after that, it completely fits with Dr Amens brain damage/nervous system damage observations. A double physical trauma triggering the onset of Bipolar I believe. There was an emotional component of course but it was mild compared to the physical insult of the anaesthetic. 

Then you plus BPD.

Ffs.

What was I thinking when I signed up for all this in this lifetime? Yes, let me dig my way out of a massive multi level mental illness sandwich, of which I cannot see the component parts for a very looong time, on my own, oh let me, I pleaded with my own actual self. I genuinely do think that’s what we are like between lives as souls, so concrete in our inhabiting the heart of the collective mind/god/all that is that no game of jeopardy is too great, no exploration of stones unturned too precarious for those so belonging to our ultimate indestructible indivisible ultra Self.

So plus BPD. I remember the childhood Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria of undx auDHD transmuting into BPD at age 14/15, I remember the precise incident, it was like my emotional body catching fire because the irritation of RSD in that particular situation made me sooooo very very angry, I felt so out of control that something, some part of my subtle anatomy for want of a better, transmuted into a flammable gas tank with a serious leak & the trigger was the flame. A flammable gas tank that was to become a huge part of my relationships & even friendships & a backdrop to much social interaction - how not to burst into flames at minutia became a whole way of life trying to work around this freaking dangerous, apparently permanent unstable internal structure. BPD is immensely painful & is accompanied by a sense of being lost & baffled…. add that to not being able to follow a train of thought & forgetting what you are doing constantly.

I gave up relationships at 43 due to increasingly becoming overwhelmed by BPD symptoms & then close friendships also a couple of years later that had become surrogates of that. I was able to wade thru that chin deep pool of early trauma & recover much of that distorted energy by the stealth of growing self reliance & self awareness. I really like the phrase I used before about this; I had a policy of extreme non action socially & thereby sexually for many many years whilst I worked on that stuff, pre dx! Once I got the map, the dx it was so much easier, the disassociation eased up gradually when I read about what it was & that it’s a symptom of trauma especially. I have long worked with material designed to help PTSD, over 20 years looking at it from that angle yet for me the diagnosis as a map has been the most helpful, equally this with auDHD.

I’m disappointed to not just have one or the other out of ADHD or Autism, to miss out on the best bits of each as they are cancelled out by traits of the other is a description that I feel I can concur with at the moment. I can confidently self assess when I have Bipolar+BPD under decent control & when they aren’t & that has been what has enabled me to look at these other traits; the hyper ridgid adherence to routine, social difficulties & differences, the inability to focus most of the time unless I’m in hyperfocus, like right now which is great though the other state is deeply deeply frustrating, it must take me 10 times as long as it should to do most things yet I can play Beethoven on piano for hours & hours & not have a clue how long I’ve sat there.

How I perceive my full line up is kind of visual/feely: Bipolar 1 is like long very loud mood shifts that you can sense coming in & you have time to take various evasive action (see Balancing Brain Chemistry Naturally in the sidebar for more on this) BPD is caused by external things, has specific triggers & the core of it only becomes visible/feelable when you remove those triggers for long enough to feel the generalised dysphoric core which you can then dismantle (it’s trauma, so you feel it/be with it as kindly as possible to heal it - EMDR is absolutely invaluable for BPD)

That leaves my actual self, my well-being self & it’s auDHD facets which, once trauma is minimised as I’ve had to do just to get to feel this true self underneath the emotional & nervous system dysfunction, leaves me with the mental ‘differences’ & the social ‘differences’ so yes maybe there’s some related emotional differences as well - and sure they are more deeply, neuro-developmentally inscribed attributes, like they were the uncomfortable energetic fluctuations that attracted more & more trauma to gather around like scar tissue to protect the innate vulnerability, yet without the trauma they are much more benign & livewithable, I think so anyway. 

Yes it’s hard having mental, emotional, learning & social interaction differences in a society that does not wish to cater for differences, does not want to spare the attention, ironically, or the resources to not traumatise people with different, more sensitive nervous systems & brains but it’s definitely doable. If we treat trauma as the cross society common thread that most needs mending, for all of us from the most neuro-normal to the most neuro-diverse, as Gabor Mate would have it, if we strive to make a trauma aware society we may just be able to survive the myriad challenges that face us as a species.