7 Ways to Heal Trauma

These guys - Dr Rangan Chatterjee talking to the amazing Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk of The Body Keeps the Score legendary fame.

This is a long chat/discussion at 1.5 hrs but I ended up enjoying it so much I felt to share it. 

I particularly love Bessel casually exposing the corporate corruption & biases that cannot help but occur in the fields of science & research precisely because Money is necessary to pursue anything with potential & therefore Money gets to chose what moves. This is something I’ve been aware of for a very long time & seems absolutely obvious & yet far too many on the political left are still sadly completely oblivious & unwilling to explore the unobscured facts of.

I picked up the fact this week that 70% of research is privately funded & overwhelmingly brings back a result favourable to its financial sponsor - just start there if you want to explore that subject, it’s fascinating & terrifying in equal measure & will put you off many common prescription drugs for life.

How to reset your body from chronic stress - Gabor Mate Lecture

 

This is an hour long but Gabor is always an easy listen in my experience- I’m not sure that the title explains the content but it’s definitely a very needed explanation of the progression of & chronic stress relatedness of so called physical illness. 🙌

EMDR is as Simple & as Natural as walking & DIY works wonders for day to day triggers

Here is a good thorough overview about EMDR, it’s a recent article on ADDitudemag.com.

https://www.additudemag.com/emdr-therapy-eye-movement-desensitization-trauma-adhd/?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=treatment_july_2023&utm_content=072723&goal=0_d9446392d6-d55c617ff8-300024141

I want to emphasise what I’ve titled above. EMDR is undoubtedly the most powerful nervous system tech of modern times. It is also as logical, natural & beneficial, more so even than walking, which as I’ve mentioned is soft EMDR in & of itself. 

I extremely disgruntled with articles that seem to seek to take this simple & yet proven therapy out of the hands of those who need it most, the dx & undx mentally ill, the traumatised, drug addicts, alcoholics, addicts of all kinds. 

It goes without saying that doing EMDR regularly with a trained therapist is going to be plenty more powerful that diy, but at 100£ per hour that is completely out of reach for, I would say the absolute majority of the people with nervous system dysfunction who need it.

EMDR is going to improve the lives of everyone who gets to do it with or without professional support, & professional support is massively beneficial in its own right for multiple reasons. 

In UK you need a 3/4yr professional psychotherapy qualification to be able to add on EMDR which I think is what is driving the high prices being charged here. I think that if you charge 100£ an hour for EMDR you should take on a number of free clients from the groups I mentioned above ie those that need it most, those that can’t house themselves, support themselves or free themselves from harmful influences - these are the true traumatised, for no fault if their own in the first instance probably without exception.

For the many of us that can’t get it free or affordably there is a link in my sidebar to a simple DIY explainer although I myself just do it when I’m stressed, triggered or having mental weirdness of any kind to great affect. I do it with my eyes closed anywhere bar driving & I always endeavour to engage with any direct body sensations as i go, which is a healing act in itself when achieved without too much mental twisting or judgement.

Walking as Soft EMDR

EMDR works by the left right movement of the pupils of the eyes to either side, this movement repeated effects a change in focus in brain activity, shifting from emotional centres to logic & processing centres, this facilitates rapid processing of emotional pain when it is held in somatic/ body awareness.

Well, the same goes for the left right emphasis of walking/running to a lesser/softer degree, whilst holding body awareness & equally a crossed arm chest tap is also equivalent. 

For myself, holding sensation in as gentle awareness as possible is the key although I have found it still works to reduce emotional charge/ mental mayhem even without accessing physicalised feelings, so that’s really helpful for deeper numb stuff. 

So, this all explains rather nicely why walking/running, the natural forwards motion of our bodies through space is designed to also deconstruct Trauma semi-automatically - just requiring some body consciousness to fulfil that. Isn’t that cool! 😅😊

Dr Pete Levine - Beyond Theory Podcast S2 episodes 13 & 14

I read Dr Levine’s book Healing Trauma in the autumn last year. It’s a very small concise book with simple exercises at the back - I recommend having it to anyone with any long standing mental/nervous system dysfunction inc problems with addiction etc. It simply sets out the basic premise of Somatic Therapy for healing trauma. 

Peter is a very early pioneer of body first trauma therapy & remains an exceptional resource for healing mental health issues of all types.

I love listening to Dr Levine and could listen all day but I know not everyone wants or needs all the nuts & bolts & just wants to get in the car & go so I will be finding some short, more potent videos to post here ASAP but these are wonderful in their own right. The 2 podcasts make an hour so maybe listen whilst driving or something & just let it wash over you as a subject. 🩷🤗✊

Dramatic Erratic Profile Image

So…. That profile picture. I’m going to justify my decision to use it then change it very soon for a more edifying one.

Basically, I have a very low rate of readership here on blogger probably because I’m rather inconsistent with my output. I took said photo, included in the post for reference m’lud, only in May this year on a post evening dog walk, make-up inspired whim & made some really lovely Instagram posts from the evenings creativity. 

In fact it was the spontaneous creativity that I was so pleased with, but also I had taken a 15£ combination of junk clothing & got several great photos where my 56 yr seniority was reducing to nought for a glamgran second of playful endeavour & enjoyment. 

I do not go out, not for such a long time, I have several reasons/excuses but I don’t go out. There are very odd exceptions to that but it’s pretty much been my life a very long time. I’m an old festival type spirit at heart but having dogs for 17 yrs which undoubtedly is a mental health life saver put a complete damper on festivals for me. I’m not a seducer type of BPD now I’m in remission, I definitely was as a young woman but I have been single this last 13 years & I’m really happy to remain so. It’s how I personally healed my BPD which in turn stopped my Bipolar wheel turning, so it was absolutely worth it. Currently I don’t even know if my stuff still works lol 😂 that was rude, but other post meno ladies will appreciate 😅🤷‍♀️🌈

So. Yes, dramatic erratic, which is a common descriptor for the Cluster B personality disorders as a group, yes you could say that about those photos on Instagram, especially this one chosen for my blogger profile, but it was consciously done & soon it will be consciously changed to one more suited to a sober subject.

Co-Morbidity is the Rule in Mental Health

That’s the post as they say.

Co-morbidity is the rule in mental health, not the exception mainly because it is all just bunches of symptoms grouped in the most coherent & commonly occurring fashion psychologists & psychiatrists could come up with for simplicity of categorisation. And importantly, one dysfunctional often leads to a second by dint of the trauma of living unsupported with the first.

My first awareness that someone could have both ADHD at the same time as Bipolar only occurred a couple of years back. I had disregarding ADHD completely at Bipolar dx in 2016 due to the cross over similarities. Then when the movement of Bipolar episodes stopped for long enough to see the damn hall mark inattentive symptom stand alone, I was astonished to find them to have been traumatically concurrent throughout my life until my Bipolar episodes were managed by lifestyle, nutritional & natural measures in the last few years.

Similarly, the plus BPD dx in 2019 accounted for symptoms I had also assumed to be part of Bipolar but weren’t & became resolvable mainly by my capacity to identify them, having the map as I always say.

And now the Sensory Processing Disorder type of Autism self dx, mopping up left over symptoms perfectly, like the correct jigsaw piece it is, whilst simultaneously being the uncomfortable, over sensitive core nervous system construction that caused all the other dysfunctions in its wake.

How to Move a Depression - Managing Low Mood

That’s a lovely optimistic title right there & as a person with well over 2 decades of experience in ‘not’ being able to shift a depression I’m going to share what ultimately did work for me eventually with my long undx Bipolar 1 plus concurrent BPD dysphoric fug. 

There are some basic principles that are a bottom line that everyone with a tendency to low mood should know off by heart:

Walk, stretch, move as much as you are able. Depression at its core is your Nervous System in freeze mode due to unresolved past stress/trauma or present time conflict. Alternatively, I believe a short depression can simply be a natural reset button for a persons life, with chilling out & looking inwards, journaling, getting talk therapy, developing self regard/care, all important adjuncts, even so movement is vital.

Self massage, scalp, shoulders & neck, get a massage gun & work on anywhere that’s stiff or sore, if you can afford it get massages from someone else.

Drink water - Dehydration is surprisingly common as well as surprisingly depressing. 

Be really careful with stimulants & sugar; both have an exaggerated downer effect after the upper

Alcohol is the most dangerous thing for low mood & yet so commonly folk lean on it only to make themselves feel worse, exaggerate & prolong a mood issue unnecessarily.

For myself I find that a long sustaining protein & healthy fat preferential diet is anti-depressant whilst high carbs lowers my mood like nothing else but I am a protein type - so it’s time to find out your macronutrient type. Go here.

High EPA Fish Oil, high dose B vits & Magnesium supplements if your normal diet is a bit nutrient weak. Some depressions can be shifted by this alone plus walking daily.

Getting daylight hitting your eyes before midday everyday is vital in any depression, stop telling your body to hibernate because it will & you will be 6 months in before you realise. Stupefied, groggy depression is no joke, you just can’t be bothered to kill yourself so there’s that advantage over more energised forms but no, it’s a pointless waste of your life & it can be prevented.

Ok that was my ‘everyone everywhere should know this’ list.

So this is my extra-ordinary list for the extraordinary depressions or recurrent low mood/depressive tendencies of Bipolar, BPD, NPD & as well as other disorders.

So all the above apply to this group too obviously.

The Special Forces List

Mindfulness - when dealing with a Personality Disorder or any severe mental health condition your very first job is simply self observation; of thoughts, of words, of deeds, of your inner responses to all of those, as well as external events & as far as possible to what’s going on under your skin in your real human body self. Be suspicious, be kind but curious of the motives underpinning your wants, needs, desires & moods. Basically be interested in yourself, your machinations without too much, if any judgement.

It’s vital to learn to notice when you are dissociating & then how to make yourself &/or others around you as safe as possible. It is not always obvious that you have dissociated, a hallmark of some types of dissociation is extreme mood even personality shifts. Sussing it out is simply a skill you build with use. Start with 10 mins a day, ultimately you will want to make it your baseline state. One of the big gifts of mental illness is the degree of self mastery required to overcome our unconscious wounds is so massive that we end up far more self aware than others who have not had to travel so far to occupy themselves.

I’m open to the idea that Cluster B PDs are essentially Dissociative Disorders with a range of dysfunctional ‘alters’ stepping up to further unhelpfully ffff up your life - mindfulness gives you the space to watch this process from the pure nonjudgmental consciousness aspect of yourself & from here you develop self protective stoicism in the face of these destructive inner forces.

Deep consolation in nature/relating to animals - this is vital for severe mental illness. Without this I wouldn’t be here. I really like the concept that being in nature is being in your own true nature on an unconscious or semi-conscious level. It is an innately healing teacher, it is nourishing in a deep gestational way. I often meditate in nature on how for the entire history of life on Earth & still today for the vastest majority of creatures, death primarily occurs with your face in the earth, going home. Wtv your spiritual belief or not, earth is what made you out of stardust & you are always on your way back.

Absolute stoicism - this is an indispensable quality to develop. When I was missed/wrong dx for my Bipolar 1 in 2008, it was absolutely my only option. I had no choice bar death but to simply accept that I was subjected to seemingly endless mental, emotional & nervous system pain & distortion for reasons that I could not see or know, seemingly meaninglessly, and essentially I was to take it on the chin. 

More movement: normal levels of movement work for normal levels of low mood but with extraordinary mental/emotional/nervous system aberration the more low cortisol exercise/movement modalities you can manage the better. The main caveat being not high stress stuff, not high cortisol as so much gym based exercise programs ultimately are, these have a place it’s just not in day to day depression management. You are learning to self sooth, to move & stretch your body despite feeling miserable & then watch your stoicism grow & your mood shift. (some higher stress exercise is acceptable, beneficial actually but I’m driving home a particular point) - your nervous system has habituated crisis, low cortisol exercise rebuilds it’s integrity.

Support is vital, though I failed to get any for the most part & im still here so there is that 🤷‍♀️ I developed a kind of deep stoicism in the face of permanent overwhelming adversity coming from my own wrecked nervous system, a cPTSD/PTSD overlay, cognitive impairment due to rolling Bipolar episodes & the permanent dysphoric core of undx BPD. 

I’m going to mention ADHD plus Autism briefly here - it gets ridiculous, all of my layers, but in some ways my autism made me a more innately honest pwBPD, which is the route out for all PDs & my ADHD drove my desire to get well as well as my massive self study, passion centered on amassing knowledge of natural health specifically for mental health. 

If you can get proper support please do take it, it will make healing so much faster. 

A note - The dysphoric core of the Personality Disorders

The semi-permanent, uneasy fug that permeates the feeling sense, the sense of self of a person with a currently active personality disorder requires additional approaches. Of course all of the above are helpful, but there is more. All PDs are deep early trauma created splits in the body mind self, sapping the host of vitality as well as driving the need for further pain causing drama in their lives, mainly as attempts at obfuscation & distraction, both from the self as well as others. Drama as disguise of trauma in fact is a great descriptor.

But above all, being free of the dysphoric core myself now, I feel that it is the identification of it then your dis-identification with it that and hastens its demise. Simple as that. Once you decide that being in an off mood/state most of the time is unacceptable, an untenable way of life, this is when you dis-identify from both the feeling state & the often dysfunctional mental states that accompany it. Mindfulness is your key, stoicism is the lock, open the prison door & fly free. 

Special therapy recommends go to; EMDR, diy self style or with a therapist, the extremely simple Somatic Healing concepts of Dr Peter Levine, BrainSpotting is another modern eye mvt related modality to explore, IFS Internal Family Systems, also see ACT, Acceptance & Commitment Therapy at the same link there, Poly-Vagal exercises, see side bar link

There is more, there is always so much more to explore when you need to heal something, when you want to heal something is more precisely accurate. I remember friends with depression saying “nothing works” & they would always be saying that before they had even given one thing a decent shot.

Perception of time slows down excruciatingly in real depression, making us even more irritated & impatient to be well as soon as possible as well as casting the convincing illusion that the depressive state is endless. Bodily metabolism slows down too as if to hibernate, making effort feel impossible, creating an unbearable cross purpose of drives. Building a day to day routine that deconstructs that equation is the path out - then adding a therapeutic modality that works for you, that builds you a new nervous system. 

Dr Ettensohn - Heal NPD Channel on YouTube

I highlighted Dr Ettensohn on my old blog having found his podcast & book Unmasking Narcissism somewhere. I’m glad to see that Mark is regularly producing output on YouTube (prob also his podcast).

Here is his about me page on his website 

Mark is providing a much needed high insight no stigma approach to understanding NPD & thereby all of the Cluster B Personality Disorders. His work is extremely important right now whilst so many other experts are focused entirely on profiting from helping & healing the victims of Cluster B (a very worthy cause). This huge healing push has inadvertently incited a tsunami of stigma, as well as a huge dissonant spectre of hopeless outcomes for all with the very early brain damage phenomena that is all Cluster B PDs.

Here is some of his work I enjoyed from YouTube. He is the real deal.

https://www.drettensohn.com/

https://youtube.com/@healnpd

Just an add on reminder

 80% of brain grey matter is alterable by movement alone - https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S016643281730760X

Master uber harmless unisex neuro-steroid bio identical Progesterone (link in sidebar) is being trialed in mainstream medicine for treating Traumatic Brain Injury which is a component of the pathway to mental illness for all of us -  either by physical abuse, accident, general anaesthetic/sedation (a clear component in my own picture) or most commonly actual structural brain damage imposed by psychological means at a developmentally vulnerable stage.

hMMm: Sense of Self in BPD in Remission

hMMm: Sense of Self in BPD in Remission: Oh what a happy title to be able to write. Hard won, so hard won. So i've been pondering the implications of having BPD in remission on ...

Musing at NPD, BPD & Cluster B Experts in General

We are inundated with so many ‘experts’ in NPD & BPD right now, often usually mostly coming from ‘mind first’ schools of traditional psychiatry & psychology, mostly with extremely damning views & visions of most of the personality disorders & their likely trajectory though a persons lifetime.

I’m going to take a less usual stance to the mainstream opinion about the terminability of the Cluster B personality disorders of which I draw ideas from right across the wider smorgasbord of thought & indeed modalities of healing to draw a more positive picture for sufferers.

When you factor in the intrinsic reality that the 4 Cluster B personality disorders: ASPD, BPD, HPD & NPD, are basically groupings of behaviours & symptoms that have been partitioned fairly arbitrarily with the agreed general acceptance that for instance, BPD is up to 40% co-morbid, or shall we say intermingled symptom & behaviour wise with its cousin NPD. I’m not going to ferret around getting data on the commonality of the others in cluster b groupings as this is the particular data point that I’m going to centre my thoughts around because I have hands on personal experience of it.

What’s coming up for me is that the sheer wall of negativity that is facing pwNPD & BPD when dealing with this huge mass of material put out by ‘experts’ atm, yes it may be necessary to shock locked in harmful Narcs & Borderlines to seek some kind of change to their inner & outer machinations but but but it’s absolutely lending no hope, no escape to pwNPD even as a possibility & i, as a person with BPD actually in remission, stand vividly against this info onslaught that is occurring. 

It’s also occurring against pwBPD of course but because there are now, quite newly, significant numbers of remissions known to be occurring both with & without any kind of therapy, within this group, as I’ve said before, often times the map plus some genuine support has shown itself to be enough to halt & retreat the urge to destructive behaviour.

My point is, & it’s directed to all the highly qualified Drs that are seen as valid sources knowing it all on these subjects, these PDs, is that your uniform prediction of the high likely failure in Cluster B people in recovery is erroneously based on therapy models that place the separate mind & conscious reasoning as the access point to change, when, coming from a wholistic stance, i don’t find that much can change from interventions at that level alone. 

Also this negative position stands in stark contrast to the fact that simultaneously at this time the immensity of new psychological ground being won by millions of us through the ‘body first’ schools of healing; poly-vagal, somatic, EMDR, fascia release, low cortisol exercise, neurofeedback, nutraceuticals, Classical Chinese medicine & Ayurveda to highlight the most well know & well documented examples of body first healing modalities that have the capacity to assist in the transformation of the nervous system & by this the psychology of a person.

 

So, have hope Cluster B, have hope & yet take action. You’ve got a whole new sense of self to win, to build & I’m not saying it will be easy, I’m just saying that they, the so called experts, literally are just talking heads with their archaic talk therapy that EMDR alone, with or without a therapist has the capacity to undercut time required to experience positive change by 10x. 

10 times as fast = one session of EMDR with its direct line to the nervous system is worth 10 expensive sessions talking round & round your monkey mind, slipping & sliding around in the lonesome yet genuinely endless mental realms & often completely detached from the very body-mind you were born with, that is the real you, those that were detached from each other literally by trauma, not by thought, it was pre-thought every time with all Cluster B so we must absolutely endeavour to treat the trauma first.

I’m going to reproduce my last blog piece from my old blogger on here because while it was perfect as the last words on sonjaconscious.blogspot.com it explains very simply the lightness of true self hood & how attainable that is, with a willingness to be embodied & to just become aware of when you are not. It’s that simple. It need’s resolve, it needs deep genuine desire that you might have to conjure with your imagination at first - Cluster B are imaginative adepts - but the pay offs are immense.

We are too often after a rather convoluted sense of ourselves in order to exist in the world when it’s really not necessary. We were gestated with & then born with fabulous interactive multi system sensitivity & redoubtable self healing capacity & when allowed to re-gestate sufficiently in a conducive enough external environment, with the right inputs, i believe everything is healable at least until the soul/higher self is done with this lifetime.

We all need regular access to positive role models & healthy elders & we need reliable psychological supporters of this I am convinced. And we all need to be held & touched by someone who feels safe enough if that’s possible —— sans that pets count, pets completely count I can totally testify for pets. ✋👊✊

Taking Up Space - Why So Selfie

Taken from a preponderance of pondering upon my Instagram.

I was just pondering why I feel the desire to post so many selfies! And I think it’s ok, I think it’s the result of several factors including having been very ill for a very very long time & now starting to really feel better with the new information (#Audhd) especially normalising so many of my daily difficulties.

Then there is, as per the 2020 selfie post, a huge improvement in my skin & glow & skill with make-up, very much with aesthetic gains coming from #faceyoga like #Beautyshamans & #daniellecollins - so that’s something I’m proud of, that I put effort into that contributes to my feeling good in myself.

Then there is the sense of identity deficit from #BPD which while I feel is in remission still perhaps casts a shadow, understandably. And then finally, that lonesome, defuse, evasive #12housesun amplified by being in #Pisces with #Piscesrising lending even less substance to my sense of self & of being visible, “am I invisible?” Is the vibe. Am I a ghost is the vibe.

I spent a lot of time very mentally unwell on my own in this life, also a lot of time contemplating the spiritual realm of which I feel I have a exceptionally good feel for but I know staying fully embodied is healing & progressive of my nervous system trauma burden & being dissociative is not - both significantly lessening with all the wide range of nervous system tech I’m employing.

I’m so glad that being extra wordy is an Aspie/ASD1 trait 😅😂 makes sense of the urge to reach for a more elaborate descriptor all the time. 🤔😊🥰

Oh I get it - it about being willing to take up space in the world. That’s so lovely! 🥰 

I am robustly not giving a ffff & putting my noggin or whatever I see fit out there anyway, whether you want it or not. 🧑🏻‍🎤🥋 because there is space for me out there, there’s not a limit to the space nor any real valid competition about merit or worthiness.

At my worst with #anorexia I had my bed in the lounge & it was a foot too short, I am 5’5 the bed was about 4’5 & I dropped to under 7 stone several times in that decade - mad people aren’t allowed to take up space are they! I’m feeling that that was the undercurrent of #trauma #cPTSD I was stuck in. 

And then 2010-2020 I was just disappeared, socially, personally not available, bar my long 9 month bipolar high - like a ‘can you see me now’ outburst right in the middle - but mostly suffering much undx psychosis & #anxiety with seemingly no end in sight although it did end.

And so this period over-selfieing on Instagram, without much response bar a couple of friends & family is healing for me, & challenging of course because #ADHD has #RSD as a difficult component & #BPD is as sensitive to being ignored as it’s possible to be…. And I’m fine 👊🤌💜 getting no likes, occasionally it’s a bit meh but it’s definitely within the bandwidth of fine on my emotional landscape - I mean what are likes anyway - how superficial is needing that? Really? Another persons opinion of you is more valid to you than how you feel about yourself - no way, I absolutely think not. The only person I want to impress is me.

I am reproducing this over from my Instagram where it unfolded to my blog - this place where I have links to every useful natural method & tech & substance that has helped me unravel my lifelong nervous system distress. 

#audhd #bipolar1 #bipolarrecovery #bpdrecovery