Full disclosure on remission

 I just realised my new self statement overview I made yesterday, in trying to be succinct, I minimised my remission in way that I’d like to clarify. Essentially I didn’t know I had BPD until March 2019, it then took me nearly a year to accept it, understand it & actually start using BPD specific targeted strategies which secured that remission on the back of my own trauma informed efforts. 

I had worked on my own unsupported for all those years n decades & since 2000 particularly I had used PTSD strategies because that what the state of my nervous system looked like the most to me. My long bipolar cycles occluded by years of invalidation by medical professionals & my self medicating with alcohol the highs back into a long motionless destructive lows, because that was safer.

So when I say 10 years remission, I’m meaning from Bipolar 1 cycling. Which I achieved a stand still to in 2016,  hand in hand with finally getting that diagnosis, extras support, extra money & the fucking map ffs 🤦‍♀️ at long last that showed me the territory I’d been in for sooooooo long. Lost, getting increasingly cognitively impaired & traumatised. 

So that’s my little clarification of my self statement above. I’m a decade in remission from  Bipolar 1 but actually only 6 years in what I’d call remission of my BPD.

Yer, it is a tangle with my audhd self realisation that came since but it’s absolutely clear to me now in hindsight where the BPD traits stop & the audhd start. The intensity & endless disregulation of BPD is excruciating. Relationships were excruciating. Quitting both the lie of respite that is alcohol & relationships inc casual relationships 20 yrs ago & 15 yrs ago respectively, were fundamental to my nervous system healing particularly the intense BPD traits.

This is my own truth, your path through your own nervous system dysfunction may well be different. My picture was extremely complex & I still appreciate the miracle that was unravelling it every day.