Re: Psychosis

 Never believe that you are weak because you have or have had psychosis, never believe the cruel inner voices that insists you must be, they are complete BS. When psychosis happens it is because the lid on what you’ve been using super strength & masses of will power to suppress has been blown off by something, could be anything in my experience big or small but I think it’s generally accepted that a wide range of different types of losses or perceived losses can easily do it.

It seems that, us pwPD’s at a very very early age built really serious defences against re experiencing what we experienced as unbearable. These are now ***past*** traumas that you have already survived in your early childhood. You literally survived them by making the pain of them, your emotional response to them, completely inaccessible to your conscious mind.

So a psychotic break it that stuff getting out into your conscious mind, only it’s festered now & it often appears to be highly disorganised as it leaks through the cracks of your fortifications. Like confusing toxic soup has replaced your experience of life. 

In my experience it will be accompanied by extensive body sensations which apparently lack much coherence & are very tiring & debilitating to hang out with for long. Persevere as much as you can with being body conscious but your primary job is holding the attitude of kind detachment whilst caring for your body as best you can ( get help if necessary) & not judging yourself for anything.

You can interrupt the inner judge & dismiss him, just say I don’t choose this anymore whenever he attacks, this can work really well, gradually dismantling that old unwanted inner conflict. Observing harsh voices in psychosis is tough work. Physical mvt & resting is important.

Psychosis is incredibly painful & desolate, I do know, but ***it will stop***, it absolutely will so maximise its potential for growth & write, paint, draw, walk, breath, eat, bathe, run anyway but massively start to learn to rest. You so deserve to learn how to rest, not just if you are in crisis but all of us need this, this is what balance is. 

We’ve made workaholism noble but it is not noble in many cases it’s another defence against knowing yourself & really finding out how to care for yourself & so a way to avoid healing yourself. It might be that things you did, creative things you do now used to console you, move you fwds - they might not be fulfilling that purpose anymore for reasons beyond your control. Only you know if they are.

Be honest with yourself if they are or if they really aren’t & it will be temporary, normal service will be resumed. So in the mean time you are being asked to try something new, likely with unwavering external support from a trusted professional ideally. Else holding the fact that this will pass, & you will be changed by it likely for the better.

You’ve been holding out on yourself so long, let breakthrough happen, let doing something differently happen, pref with help but always always let kindness be your light. Love you.